How to Survive and Marry an Iranian Girl

So, love has found you at last, in the least expected way.  You're unsure of what's next to come and your curiosity is at an all-time high.  You can't walk away now; you can decide what you want for breakfast, but you can't choose to fall out of love with someone.  Meeting the parents is truly a nerve-stoning affair for all, but it's the inevitable if you want your relationship to progress with an Iranian female.  It could bring you closer to one another, and you will finally understand why she still lives at home even though she's about to make partner in a law firm.  

If you're meeting her parents at their home or a restaurant, dress how you think an Italian would dress for the occasion.  If you have any tattoo's consider covering them on your first meeting, body art is more like graffitti than art for older generation Iranians, the youth on the other hand is far more liberated which is why you're even dating "Soraya."  

Consider bringing a small gift to her mom. Flowers are always a great choice.  This will give you a head start, you want her Mom on your side and will need an ally in this mission.  A girl and her family have to play hard to get, she may have many suitors but will only give her heart to one person, that's how it was in Iran in their day, and a touch of that mindset has travelled and come across the seas.  You're not crazy for suspecting, that they are "just not that in to you."  They may very well be, but wouldn't show their enthusiasm at this stage.

It may seem at times more of a job interview than meeting her folks, when they ask questions like, "what was your GPA?" or "Do you play piano?"  They are mere attempts at conversation.  Remember, its a culture of praising and respecting the elderly, be extra gentle.  You don't want to disrespect them.  Other questions like "how are your parents? tell them we say hello," mean just that.  They expect that you, like their daughter, talk to your parents daily and know how they are feeling, and what they are doing at all times.  

If they've opened their home to you, then you will hopefully have the opportunity to taste some Iranian home cooked cuisine.  It may not look appealing or enticing at first, but try not to wrinkle your nose and shake your head, and definitely don't start throwing your hands in the air while you jolt back from your seat ranting "No, no, I'll pass on that one."  Give it a chance, you may actually like it, sample small pieces of everything your host has prepared for you.  Worst case, you could wash it down with some chaie.  You could learn a lot from a culture through their food.  Remember that Iranians take pride in their food, and although a parsley and leak souffle may not get your salivary glands engorged and stimulated these people have been devouring it for centuries.  Besides a little colon cleanse may be just what your body needs.  

Thinking about popping the question? Consider getting her father's permission first, now that's if you expect to get the answer you want.  You may need to ask him to keep it to himself and not ruin the surprise for his daughter.  Surprise proposals are not customary in Iranian courtships; however, he will respect your wishes as long as you make it clear to him that his little Persian princess wouldn't want her special moment spoiled.  

Now you may need to be seated for what I am about to tell you.  In the Iranian culture, a man and or his family are responsible for funding the wedding and everything related to the wedding, including jewelry, dress, and so on.  Painful, I know, considering neither you nor your family have saved for such a day.  On the other hand the girls parents fund the dowery: household items, furniture, a car, or Persian rugs.  Depending on what your particular needs are.  One more thing, in an Iranian wedding ceremony, when the officiant asks "Do you take this man to be your husband," the bride must stay silent the first two times and does not answer, and may say yes only on the third time, Inshallah, God willing: it falls under the playing hard to get phenomenon.  

You're probably now brooding over all this wondering, hold on a minute, what is wrong with this picture, I'm the dominant culture, and they're the immigrants, why am I dancing around them and playing by their rules, they should be conforming to mine, we are in America last I checked.  Well, you're absolutely right, this isn't for everyone, neither is double diamond skiing (for the courageous and able only).  The coward, and weak, need not apply.  

Hey, no one said it would be easy.  

Sanaz Namin