JOY

I wasn't scared at all, even though I'd never been ice skating before.  I had dreamt about it many times, ever since Farnaz told me about it.  I imagined how other-worldly it must be to float on ice.  I remember thinking how tragic it was that the Islamic Republic had banned patinage in Tehran and stripped away any chance of me ever having this floating on ice experience that Farnaz would brag to me about; the luxurious days before I was born, before 1978 and the Islamic Revolution exploded, bestowing upon the only Iran I ever really knew of.  With my mouth wide open, she would fill my imagination like a blank canvas, painted with all that she could remember.  I would listen to all the wonderfulness she experienced in those 4.5 years before I came along.  And she had plenty to tell too.  Baba and Maman would take her to patinage to ice skate along with other boys and girls, music playing as they danced on ice for hours.  None of which would be tolerated by the Islamic Republic, to have men and women together in a small and confined area would be preposterous and music and dancing on top of that; totally un-Islamic and western, and the core of the revolution.  Sometimes, she would dig out her old ice skating shoes from the back of her closet, white and shiny almost brand new.  They no longer fit her but we'd entertain ourselves for hours by reliving through this tiny spec of her memory, albeit a snapshot of a past that felt long and far away. 

I'll never forget the night that Baba took us ice skating for the first time in Costa Mesa, California.  The place was just down the street from uncle Cyrus's apartment, where we were staying.  It had been a few weeks since we'd landed ourselves in his life, from Tehran.  We got fitted into rental boots that came in an array of colors; green, orange, and red.  I chose green.  They were not as beautiful as Farnaz's old pair back in Iran, but they did fit.  Wearing jeans and a sweater, I rolled onto the ice.  I struggled to find balance at first, and held onto the walls for support. But even through the difficulties, I found it to be wholly exhilarating.  The blades of my shoes pressing firmly on the ice, the cold breeze brushing gently past my face, all of which were so much more powerful than I could have ever imagined.  It was pure joy!

Sanaz Namin